Hey Krunal,
I know I haven't written to you in quite a while now, but I've been trying to work out some emotions internally. First off, I have to tell you because I'm sure you want to know--- Last week I went to Baby's reception. I couldn't bring myself to attend the wedding, but I did go to the reception... It was SO beautiful. I know that you would have loved to have been there, but it was absolutely amazing-- Alpina was a beautiful bride (as you can imagine), and Baby looked so happy. Their first dance really touched my heart. It was to that song by Savage Garden called "I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You". It really tugged at my heartstrings thinking about you... It goes like this:
"Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
(add the whos here)

A thousand angels dance around you
(and the whos here)
I am complete now that I've found you
(and the whos here)

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
(and the whos here)"

It was so sweet... I really wish you were there to share this with me, and to share this with Baby. Kaks gave a speech that would've had you rolling on the ground with laughter. I just miss you so much. Nights have been especially hard these last few days, and I really have not been getting much sleep and spent a lot of them crying. Sometimes I wonder, do you even know how many lives you've touched and how many people really care about you? Is it possible that someone that had such a short time with us here could impact so many people? I wonder why God took you from me, but then I also know that it was your time to go. You used to always tell me that "If it's your time, it's your time", but it's not fair... I didn't know that it would be so soon or so short lived.

I have people tell me all the time that they don't know how I can be so strong, or that if they were in the same position they wouldn't be able to do the same thing. I didn't know I could be this strong either--- but YOU made me this strong in all honesty. And if someone asked me two months ago, I honestly wouldn't be able to say that I would be able to do this--- but I have to now. God only gives you what He knows you can handle, and I guess He thought I could handle this.  As Hindus, I know that this is my karma I have to serve out in this lifetime, and I know this is was your karma to serve to the rest of the world too. 

I know how much you hate reading, and this passage I will quote is long, but consider this your karma to serve after your life with me :) :
"Alone, we cannot fulfill the promises broken by death. But there is a way around the disappointment, into a new paradign of appreciation. It requires a change of agenda and brutal self-honesty. Yes, we will always be without the one we loved. Yes, our hopes and dreams will never be. But there will be hopes and dreams that will be. To envy another's situation is only a way that we compare our insides to other's outsides. No matter what the circumstances, what is enviable often blinds us to the shadow and emotional cost others pay for what they have. To envy is to fail to see the grace of the only thing we really do know--- our own lives. It is to underestimate the disguises of new blessings that may seem so minor compared to what we had always wished for. Yet sometime great blessings come in plain packages. Envy is only a pedestrian way to try to feel whole when we've been fragmented. The first way to gain wholeness again is through the admission that we are not. For wholeness is not the state of total fulfillment, but a new, creative arrangement of the pieces. The end of one story is always the beginning of another." --Companion Though The Darkness

And it is true, I am jealous of other people who have the luck of having someone they love by their side. Who get to see and speak to their best friend again. Part of me left when you left me, but I also know that I will get a chance at happiness eventually. I long to feel whole again, and for the longest time I KNEW that you were what made me whole, but God has put me in a place where I have to learn to be whole on my own. So here I am, not being totally fulfilled at this moment, but rearranging the pieces creatively so that I can learn to appreciate the blessings that will come in plain packages and begin the next story that is waiting for me. Baby, I'm on my way to attempting to make myself whole again without you here with me. I love you and miss you so much.
Love
Veena

Hey,
Today has been another lonely day. Sapna and Tushar came over for lunch, and I spent some time with Giavanna today. It was really nice to see all of them. For some reason I feel like it's been a long time since I've been around other people, but it really hasn't at all. I miss having you around a lot more than I did before. I wish someone would just tell me how and what I have to do to get over this and not hurt anymore, but everyone's response is the same "There are no rules and there is no set timeline.", which I HATE because I like to have everything planned out... I don't like leaving things unknown like that. I hate that I don't have control over anything anymore.

Here's a poem I found:

"If Tears Could...

If tears could build a stairway, And memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven, To bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken. No time to say good-bye.
You were gone before we knew it, And only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness, And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you, No one will ever know."

I wish you could just come back for a minute, just so I can say goodbye one last time-- but if you did that, I don't know that I would ever be able to let you go. It's just so hard because the one person that can really truly help me through this time is you. And you are gone. I hate having to start all over, like all the dreams and the future I had envisioned with you are now gone. Meaningless. I don't want to make a new future for myself, it's too exhausting... but I know I have to. Again, there is no one to tell me how or what to do for this either. It's getting very tiring to keep hearing that there are so many questions, and no answers. Part of me feels like I am renewed--- I can do anything I want, I am free to pursue any dream I have with no rules, no expectations, no boundaries... but I don't want that, I want what I was going to pursue with you. Ironically, I don't sleep nearly enough to dream. I'm tired, but sleep doesn't find me very often... part of me is afraid to sleep because I know that I have to wake up to your absence. I love you and miss you.
Love
Veena

Hey hon,
I know I didn't write yesterday, sorry but I was kind of mad and not really in the mood. Today is Sunday, three weeks since the date of your funeral. If you were here, we would have been married for 22 days today. I woke up, and for some reason kept thinking about the ringtone I had set for you in my phone--- it actually startled me to think about it for some reason. I know it's totally irrational, but for some reason I was very nervous my phone was going to ring and play the ringtone I had set for you. It was the most bizarre thing.

I read a quote that I wanted to share with you:
"The future is not yet ours; perhaps it never will be. If it comes, it may come wholly different from what we have foreseen. Let us shut our eyes, then, to that which God hides from us, and keeps in reserve in the treasures of His deep counsels. Let us worship without seeing; let us be silent; let us abide in peace."
- Francois De Saugnac De La Mothe Fenelon

This is so true if you think about it. The future is called the future for a reason, because it hasn't happened yet and we don't know what is going to happen. All the time spent anguishing and anticipating future grief at certain times/events without you or anyone we love is really not logical because it is again the unknown future--- we just don't know if our 'picture' of what we think it will be will actually be. Life has to be lived in the present--- not the future or the past.

Even with all this logic and reason, I do still really miss you. You were my best friend, and now you are gone. My heart still wants to ignore the logic that I, myself, have presented because it hurts knowing you are not here. I hope that you are in a better place and watching over us. (And I hope you feel bad for leaving us too...) You are my angel, and I was so blessed to have spent that precious one and a half years with you. I love you and miss you.

Love,
Veena

"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life."
-The Fray